“Pop, pop, pop,” 8-year-old Liam and Asabella joyously exclaimed as they jumped up and down in the kitchen, mimicking the buttered popcorn as it danced around the inside of the bag in the microwave. So spirited and passionate as they jumped side by side being fully present in the moment and thoroughly enjoying each other. Whereas outside the kitchen in the entryway of my dear friend, Holly’s house, awkwardly stood Holly’s 18-year-old daughter and her male suitor, fidgeting with their clothes, red in their faces and honestly, looking extremely nervous, as they were preparing to go on their second date. Such a stark contrast!
Both couples described above had grown up as homeschoolers in Colorado together, but one set was fully free and the other was conscientious and awkward. What happens between the ages of 8 and 18 that causes us to move from such freedom and no inhibition to conscientiousness and reserve? I looked at sweet Liam with his brown eyes and long lashes and little Asabella with her long blonde locks pulled in a ponytail at the nape of her neck and thought to myself, “Why is it that we can’t contain that freedom and portion it out for the rest of our lives?”
I watched this budding friendship between Asabella and Liam since they were five-years-old and attended a homeschool cooperative together. Liam whizzed in each week donning his rather tired-looking Spiderman costume and his cowboy boots. I just loved this boy’s freedom of expression, never concerned or swayed by what others thought. He was his own person. He adored my daughter and she adored him. Every time they greeted each other it was full-on hugs. There was no awkwardness or fear. Just pure love and joy! There was no holding back!
When we were invited to Holly’s house to play, Liam would ask permission to wait at the corner of their street to greet Asabella as we came around the corner in our blue LandRover. Liam would time it perfectly so that he would be there exactly when our car would be turning around the corner and he would race us to the house, open the car door and house gate for Asabella!
This same routine would happen as we were leaving. He would walk her to the car and then wave wildly, as he raced our car all the way to the corner again, shouting, “Bye, Asa! Bye!!”
I would watch him in my rearview mirror - still jumping up and down and waving until our car was out of sight. If he could, he would have probably followed us all the way to our home. Liam was so intentional and thoughtful about making Asabella feel special. He was never afraid to express his care and fondness for her. Such a delightful and beautiful example to my daughter as to how a girl should be treated.
Several years later, on a trip back to Colorado, as we have since moved to Arizona, we visited with both Liam’s family and another homeschool family. At the hotel playground the children were all playing on the jungle gym, when my eldest daughter, Selah boldly asked the two 8-year-old boys, Liam and Jadon, “Who wants to marry Asabella?”
Jadon, with freckles sprinkled across the bridge of his nose, murmured flatly, “Ahh, sure.”
But Liam raised his hand exuberantly and exclaimed boisterously, “I do!”
Oh, the passion, oh the decisiveness!
Oh how beautiful it is to know - no guessing - where you stand with someone! I remember dates and relationships when I was younger where I was feeling so insecure because I didn’t know exactly where I stood in the relationship. We would both be holding our cards so close to our chests and not willing to take the risk of truly sharing how we felt about each other, but oh no, not Liam. He cared about my Asabella and she felt safe and secure in her friendship with him. She knew she was highly valued.
So the question still remains - what happens between the ages of 8 and 18 to cause us to move from freely enjoying and expressing ourselves to becoming conscientious, awkward and insecure, especially in relationships? Is it from being rejected from the one time when we did freely express our feelings? Or do we begin to place more value on what another person thinks of us rather than on what we think of ourselves and then choose to hide behind a veneer of ourselves?
I don’t necessarily know the answers to these questions, but I do know that as I watch these little ones, I am reminded that I want to be certain to keep their little hearts open and free, but also to keep my heart in check and be sure that I, too, am remaining open to all that life has to offer and to not miss opportunities to share my heart with others and to not be so concerned about what others may think or how they may react. I just want to be authentic and not worry about the rest. And if rejection results because of my authenticity, I need to embrace it as the blessing that it is. Rejection allows me to freely move on to others who will cherish my authenticity and not waste my energy where it cannot be received.
Watching Liam’s authenticity through the years has made me want to circle back to being that little girl again who was fully present and uninhibited. As I live out now my 55th year of life, I am realizing that I have a choice in how I live out the rest of my days and I chose Liam’s example and not worry about the rest. However, as I share my heart with others, I will be donning flowy skirts and dresses and wearing Mary Janes, as opposed to a Spiderman costume and cowboy boots. And rather than running, I will be twirling or riding my vintage turquoise bike with a basket of flowers, shouting, “Wheee!”
Comentarios